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Look at yourself in the mirror

Don't Be Ashamed Anymore

I was getting my teeth cleaned and the new hygienist asked, “What do you do?”

I answered, “I help stressed-out people pleasers create healthy boundaries and say NO with confidence.”

She replied, “Oh, I could use you.  I’m such a people pleaser.  It’s so hard for me to speak up for myself.”

I hear that a lot.  So, while captive in the dentist chair, I started thinking…why is this such a struggle for us?

I don’t think we realize how often we do stand up and speak out.  We say it quietly, without saying it out loud.  We do it in small defiant ways, in many daily decisions.

We take a stand when we choose where to spend our money – like when we buy a more expensive make-up that refuses to test on animals or shop a brand that is inclusive to all races and orientations

We speak up when we use our voices – like when we stand up to a bully on behalf of a friend or we speak up at work to point out a blind spot in the sales strategy.

We speak out when we exercise our rights – like when we vote for our values and campaign for institutions doing great works in the community.

So, what is it that we “think” is so hard?

It’s easy to stand up and speak out on behalf of others.  It’s harder to stand up for ourselves.  If we dare to focus on our own wants and needs, we are made to feel ashamed. 

Is it shameful to stand up for yourself against a bully?

Is it shameful to communicate your position at work?

Is it shameful to spend your hard-earned money on yourself?

Is it shameful to protect your values and interests?

We must not be ashamed for practicing self-care, exhibiting self-confidence, and seeking self-fulfillment.  We must stand up for ourselves with as much conviction as we stand up for others. 

Putting ourselves first in healthy ways is not shameful.  It’s necessary.

How can you stand up and speak out for yourself today?

For more tips and tricks to Create Healthy Boundaries and Say NO With Confidence, download my free People Pleaser's Toolkit and begin practicing today.  

If you have questions about how Thoughtfully Selfish Coaching works, visit or if you are ready to talk 1:1 click here to schedule a 30-minute discovery chat with me.