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I'll Do Me, You Do You

I spent last week with my family in Missouri.  We hadn’t seen each other, face to face, in 20 months.  Now that we are all fully vaccinated, I felt comfortable traveling.

We drove from New York to Missouri and traveled through Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois.  I was curious to see how each state was handling the masking issue.

The further west we traveled the less “strict” masking became.  While in Missouri, there was very little masking, even in restaurants.

What I found interesting was something my husband shared with me.  He said, “I feel like I am being judged wearing my mask.  I feel like people are giving me the stink-eye.”

I can relate to what he was saying.  As a recovering people-pleaser, I am usually aware of my position in any room, assessing how I appear to others.  Will they judge me?  What are they thinking?  How am I making them feel?

The funny thing is that when it comes to wearing my mask, I did not even notice how others were perceiving me.  Why is that?

I think it’s because my feelings regarding wearing a mask (for myself) overrode my default tendency to care about what others were feeling.

In other words, my personal conviction was stronger than what other people thought, so I sort of tuned them all out. 

This is why clarifying your personal priorities and defining your values and beliefs is so important.  Our ability to decide – yes or no – is rooted in knowing what is important to US.

Choosing what is best for us becomes easier when we know WHY we are making that choice, and our feeling about that WHY is more important to us than the fear of what others may think. 

That conviction becomes a healthy boundary that we set for ourselves and for others.  Once that line is drawn in the sand, we can consciously choose when we want to step over it or allow others to step over it. 

Think about where you need to set a healthy boundary.  What do you believe?  What is your priority?  Where do you need to draw a line?  Why?

Hey there, I’m a confidence coach helping stressed-out people pleasers clarify personal priorities, create healthy boundaries, and say NO with confidence.  If you like this, you can grab my most popular free resource, The People Pleaser's Toolkit, and read more helpful posts at: