My Answer is NO
The other night I received a text from my friend who prints mugs for me.
He was grappling with a frustrating situation concerning his mother’s friend. This friend wanted to borrow his spare car and she would not let up on her requests. He made one excuse after another as to why he did not want to lend out his car, but this woman would not take a hint.
As he stewed, trying to think of a way to let her down easy, he glanced over at my mug with the Thoughtfully Selfish logo on it.
It suddenly dawned on him that he did everything to tell this woman no, except say the word, “No.”
He made excuses. He rationalized the pros and cons. He explained how the insurance would need to be adjusted. He told her his worries about needing the spare car as a backup in his work travels. Nothing he said deterred this woman from her own needs. She wanted to borrow that car.
Looking at the phrase, Thoughtfully Selfish, reminded him to put his needs first. He realized that this woman was breaking him down because he never said, “No.” He was trying to be nice, and she was taking advantage. He didn’t make a clear stand, so she continued to negotiate.
I texted him back, “Do you want to loan her your car?”
“No. I don’t. I am going to text her right now and be done with this.”
Sometimes we can get caught up in the problems of others because people pleasers are problem solvers. We get a great deal of satisfaction helping others.
It takes conscious effort to be thoughtfully selfish, to put ourselves first in healthy ways. It is counter intuitive to our default conditioning. But, we must remember that we are not responsible for everyone else.
We are responsible for ourselves, first.
When you find yourself in a situation where you feel manipulated or coerced into doing something that does not feel quite right, go back to the question, “What do I want?”
What do you want? Now, what will you do to achieve that?
If you are ready to create healthy boundaries and say NO with confidence, let’s talk. Book a complimentary 30 minute discovery call with me at www.thoughtfullyselfish.com and start doing what makes YOU happy!